Category Archives: The drain trap.

All that’s slipped through the cracks.

Resolve

I’d like to think I’ve never been one for manufactured resolve, but I think the truth is, I just don’t want to be told what to do.

The dial turns, a New Year begins, and we’re made to believe that we’ve got a new chance, a fresh start. But isn’t this the truth every day? Don’t we begin anew each morning with a blank slate, a fresh start? In fact, every moment is an opportunity to let go, to relent, to acknowledge we’ve drifted off course, to realign, reaffirm, and start again.

How hard it is to say we’ve been wrong. We can become so entrenched, so stuck that we find ourselves forced to argue a point we no longer believe in. Life opens a door, gives you an opportunity to relent, but so often our pride prohibits us from moving forward. The New Year is like a get out of jail free card. An opportunity to find resolve without focusing on the lack, on the void that we’re hoping to fill. It’s pure optimism, looking ahead, looking up, looking within.

In reality, I’m all about resolve. I’m an Aries, I love to start. I have a head full of steam, inspiration strikes and I want to set out in search of it. But the New Year always seems like such a poor time to capitalize on this momentum. Winter is a time of reflection, of rumination and hibernation. Ideas gestate and creativity simmers like a mulled wine.

I want to play along. I want to find resolve, to be resolute, to take action in a new direction, but that’s just not the energy I feel. I feel like it’s time to listen. Time to be still and absorb. Time to do what you’re told and wait patiently. To compile your resolutions as they crystallize, to write them down, fold them up and stick them in your pocket. To wait till the time is right to take action.

But there’s something to be said for rising to the challenge, to answering the call. You can put off your resolutions till you’re ready but that day might never come. The time is now, what are you going to do?

Slow down.

Help.

Be patient.

Look hard at the things that make you squirm – what’s making you uncomfortable has something to teach you.

Embrace what makes you feel good – don’t be afraid of giving yourself up to love and laughter, life is short.

Happy New Year,

Love,

Tim

Reflections

Time is fluid, cyclical, and relentless. It’s everywhere and unstoppable, yet we work so hard to compartmentalize it. Days, weeks, hours, minutes, we work to break time into fragments that we can cope with. Unaware and unaffected, time moves on. Perhaps there is no other way, maybe our minds are just not suited to flow with time in its ever expanding and contracting nature. We want time to move in one direction, we want ourselves to move in only one direction with it. Growth, ascension, forward movement. If time is not bringing us somewhere better we easily lose touch with our own direction. We wish to command time and bend it to our will, to believe we are capitalizing one this one element in a way that will deliver us to our goals, our hopes and dreams.

But I’ve come to believe that time has its own will. That we are as much a product of time’s fate as any other. Today’s political climate proves this to a degree, that time has its own weight, its own momentum, a pressure that sometimes binds, folds, and back up upon itself, slowing and stopping until so much weight accumulates that it bursts forth in a flood, rushing past us or carrying us along. But even this fits into the narrative of a flow of time, one that has direction, current, and inevitability.

Regardless of our view of time, and our place in it, it does seem advantageous to break it into pieces we can more easily digest, pieces of time we can hold and weigh and use to plan for our own future. A life, after all, is only one small piece of time, an amalgamation of moments we stitch together into a narrative. Simpler times have come and gone, and today’s time often seems complex, confusing, challenging and even cruel. There’s work to be done, within and without. We’re encouraged to find ourselves, to become our best selves and contribute to the solution, to the repair and replacement of flawed systems. At the same time, we’re groping for meaning, purpose, connection and love. These are the metrics we use to judge time, and our passage through it.

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The Stumble Along.

There is no lack of direction. No lack of obstacles. No lack of words.

What there is a lack of is courage, of belief and faith. I made this space for me. To expel and expand, to share, to communicate and hopefully, to understand.

But then it turned into a statement, and today there might not be anything more dangerous. As soon as you speak, as soon as you open your mouth you are wrong. There are no absolutes, no certainties. But that doesn’t’ stop us from trying to pin them down, about us, about the world.

I feel like there’s something caught in my throat. There is a confusing mix of ideas and emotions that I so badly want to let out and put into order. But even if I manage that task that seems so big, I still know it will be misunderstood, that my words will be mixed up, twisted, and magnified. The fear of the inevitable holds me back.

There is more, there is an excuse, a reasoning, a logic. It’s part of the story, but sometimes even I can’t remember it. I’m afraid I won’t be able to get enough of it out to convince you, to bridge the gap between us, I’m afraid you won’t understand, or worse, you won’t agree.

Life shoves you ahead. You fall, you get up. No. It’s the controlled fall. You’re bumping into things along the way and they set your trajectory. Maybe sometimes you can slow down before you fall on your face, but more often than not it’s those glancing blows that cause the most damage.

We’re stumbling. Sometimes it’s graceful and we’re running ahead, leaping over obstacles, other times we get caught up in the push and trip over our own feet. Along the way I’m trying to find you, to hold your hand and share my story, to remind and encourage each of us that were not alone. Because when I’m silent, I feel like I’m alone, running in the dark.

More Perspectives…

Looking back.

Sometimes perspective is so hard to find. We can try and pry ourselves away, to get a better view and see something new, but the world has a way of hiding clarity. This makes it precious really, and when it’s found we can so easily feel the understanding pulsing through our bodies.

I want to understand it all, nothing in particular really. I want to change my perspective of the world around me so it all clicks, so I can see it more clearly. Sometimes so much seems so unknown, so hectic, chaotic, and lost. What is the purpose? Other times you think you know exactly where you are, only to become aware you’ve been decieved, or decieving youself…

So instead I just go. One foot in front of the other, one step at a time and see where it takes me. I follow what feels good or right and try to do my best, to be my best…

And I look back often, to see where I have come. To see where I have been. Because sometime’s I’ve gone nowhere, or I’ve been stuck, and looking back can so easily break you free, give you that precious perspective for your place, your purpose, your person.  Continue reading

Horizons

It’s kind of like a sickness, I think. An addiction maybe. I get to the top of a ridge so I can see over the other side. But as soon as I make it, I’m pulled to the next ridge, the next horizon. 

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just kept going, how far I would make it. It’s kind of like the feeling you get standing at the edge of a cliff, like maybe I can fly. It’s a little scary, but exhilarating. Something is pulling you, telling you to take the next step. 

I wonder if I just keep going, to the next ridge, the next mountain, maybe I’d never stop? Like time would cease and my body would merge with the infinite. It’s like that, kind of scary, kind of exhilarating, the unknown, the possibilities, pulling you into their embrace. But like jumping off the cliff, somehow self preservation is always whispering in your ear, a reminder, and I know I’d just end up dead. Spent and exhausted, exposed and cold somewhere in the wilderness completely unprepared for how deep I’d gotten myself. I wouldn’t make it back for work, darkness would descend and the feeling of magic and boundless possibility would be replaced with one of foolish dread. Stupid and scared.   

I know this, but somehow I still don’t completely believe it. So I look away, or back at where I’ve come, or where I’m going. Anywhere but into the unknown, because it’s pulling me to0 hard.

Someday I’ll just keep walking, over every ridge and every horizon I can see. I’ll never stop and walk into a whole new world. Someday, but not today. 

Human, Power.

Humans are not machines, we are not dull, boring, or thoughtless. We are just the opposite, full of questions, creativity, and insight. And most importantly, humans are fallible; we make mistakes, we fail, we hit walls, and are forced to overcome challenges, both physical and emotional.

Human power, and its place in travel and adventure is analogous to the human condition, which is our need to learn, explore, and discover. We seek to understand our limits, and we grow when we must overcome them.

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Be there.

On Wednesday July 29th I’m hosing a slideshow and community forum for the Freewheel space in Leavenworth.  The event will be held at the Red Barn at Wenatchee River Institute’s Barn Beach Reserve.  If you’re in the area and want to be a part of this project I hope you can come by.  It’s shaping up a great night that will help us create dialogue for the location of the stand, and generate fundraising to make sure we build something really nice for the town.