Monthly Archives: December 2017

The Stumble Along.

There is no lack of direction. No lack of obstacles. No lack of words.

What there is a lack of is courage, of belief and faith. I made this space for me. To expel and expand, to share, to communicate and hopefully, to understand.

But then it turned into a statement, and today there might not be anything more dangerous. As soon as you speak, as soon as you open your mouth you are wrong. There are no absolutes, no certainties. But that doesn’t’ stop us from trying to pin them down, about us, about the world.

I feel like there’s something caught in my throat. There is a confusing mix of ideas and emotions that I so badly want to let out and put into order. But even if I manage that task that seems so big, I still know it will be misunderstood, that my words will be mixed up, twisted, and magnified. The fear of the inevitable holds me back.

There is more, there is an excuse, a reasoning, a logic. It’s part of the story, but sometimes even I can’t remember it. I’m afraid I won’t be able to get enough of it out to convince you, to bridge the gap between us, I’m afraid you won’t understand, or worse, you won’t agree.

Life shoves you ahead. You fall, you get up. No. It’s the controlled fall. You’re bumping into things along the way and they set your trajectory. Maybe sometimes you can slow down before you fall on your face, but more often than not it’s those glancing blows that cause the most damage.

We’re stumbling. Sometimes it’s graceful and we’re running ahead, leaping over obstacles, other times we get caught up in the push and trip over our own feet. Along the way I’m trying to find you, to hold your hand and share my story, to remind and encourage each of us that were not alone. Because when I’m silent, I feel like I’m alone, running in the dark.