There are forces at work, some obvious, others invisible, that shape who we are and how we live our lives. Some of them began before we were born: physical forces like blood, brains, genes ; while others have impress their effect as we grow, learn and explore. Both types of forces are important, both can be dominant and change your life in their own ways, but what I want to talk about now is how our reaction to these forces has its own effect, just as powerful as the force itself. Some things we accept, while others we reject.
I was finished with my run, sort of. A few hundred meters ago I’d stumbled across the picked-over and sun-bleached remains of a rabbit and found its mostly intact scull. Cradling it gently in my hand I walked through the knee high grass and mounded tussocks. I was searching for a trail that would lead me back home, as I’d kind of just jogged on some broken cow paths up in to the hills and returned another way. I was walking through a range land now, partially cleared with large mounds of broken trees and rock rubble dotting the landscape. As I walked past one such pile I thought of my love for farming, for animal husbandry which was the purpose of such land clearing, and eventually, my aversion for the industry that had made all this possible.
Surprised with this quick train of thought and honestly not even sure if it was a genuine feeling or just some kind of habitual response, I thought to myself how much easier my life could be if I did not feel rejection of such commonly accepted practices.
I felt the light and delicate rabbits scull in my hand and thought what I would say to the farmer if encountered. He would most likely be in dirty denim overalls and sturdy boots, a bit loud truck with probably at least one dog in tow. Me in my slipper-esque sneakers, short shorts, and brightly colored fleece shirt, scull in hand. It dawned on me how I had not fully accepted the standard roles of an adult, how in many ways I was still just a child, running around in the forest and fields, picking up animal bones and bringing them home to set on my window sill. I’d been thinking about a lot of different things on my run, I usually do, but so far, my adolescence or aversion to fossil fuels was not among them. Mostly, as I have for quite some time, I’d been thinking about love, loss, and acceptance.
I realized that there are just some basic truths about the world I live in my that I have yet to come to terms with, that I have yet to accept. I realized that practicing acceptance of some of these realities could help me better deal with the world I live in, possibly make me happier, or more successful, but that it would also compromise who I am, what I believe in, and sometimes even how I feel right now.
People, places, ideas and emotions, all come into our lives at different times and with different speeds. How we respond to them helps us make better decisions moving forward, and the more we practice acceptance in our lives, probably the easier things are going to become, and the more at peace with the things we’ll be.
The problem is, there is a lot of shit that it’s just pretty tough to accept. I’m not talking about the things that are just hard for us mere mortals, like losing love or being angry about something, I’m talking about the real problems in the world, the ones that could mean the difference between life and death: war, hate, rape, environmental degradation. Acceptance of these is, well, unacceptable, and yet we find a way to live with them all, understanding that they are wrong and there is no place for them in our lives, in our world, but somehow, they endure.
What we choose to accept or reject, shapes who we are, where we find joy, or anger, purpose and connections, or fragments and confusion. And just as importantly, how we accept or reject plays it’s part, do you accept bregrudingly? Reject vehemently? Also, try as hard as we might, we are humans, and sometimes those intrinsic and fundamental qualities of our character can and do prohibit us from truly accepting or rejecting factors in our lives that can offer us opportunity and happiness. I’m thinking specifically of accepting the gain and loss of love, but also more generally my somewhat random and possibly misguided rejection of the use of fossil fuels, as well as the myriad metaphysical and concrete concepts that people all over the globe just can’t seem to swallow, because that’s just who they are and how The World made them.
As always, there isn’t a conclusion to this colloquy, just more conjecture and consideration. Words that pile up like a derailed train behind our lives of action. For me, if I can take anything away from this errant abstraction, it’s like I said before, to be careful about the things you accept and reject, or at least offer them a moments reflection. Some of them may be difficult, others unavoidable, many are ingrained while others are currently burning their way into our character, but each deserves a small inspection, and an attempt at understanding so we may better adapt our responses and reactions towards a path that offers resolution and peace.
Anyway, till then, just chill out and take what comes as you may.
Peace,
Tim